Bohemia offers an excellent massage, and this weekend, I learned that they offer soy candles in recycled tin containers with artfully designed labels. The nag champa scent evokes powerful, positive emotions for me, and much to my delight, Bohemia offers it in a candle. I've only found it in incense, and since a couple of nasty bouts with bronchitis, incense is a painful breathing experience. The smell has so many pleasant memories. It reminds me of a favorite new age store where I like to take yoga classes. The whole smell is tied up in the experience of stretching, relaxing, and becoming more quiet. None of this is very helpful, to those who haven't smelled it. While I believe that patchouli is the essence of hippies, nag champa is the essence of yogis. Mmmmm. Bliss.
And speaking of hippies, the long-haired hubby returned again to pick up more things. He's living with his parents, and today he mentioned a handful of interesting things. 1) His bedroom is gone since his parents are remodelling the basement. 2) His parents are driving him nuts. 3) The guest room has been converted to a sewing room. 4) He is sleeping on the couch. Despite my best intentions of having an amicable divorce and taking the high road, refraining from schadenfreude is impossible. We signed our divorce papers at the lawyer's office on Thursday night. It will be official in late May -- just about a week after our eleventh anniversary.
Seeing him today was so difficult. Not being involved in the decision to separate really hurt. I don't know why I expected to be consulted, but I did. And I'm angry. I don't want to be bitter or sad, but I am. So there I was with all of this turmoil and protective anger, and he brought me a hot chocolate from Starbucks. We used to have Starbucks on the deck every Saturday morning. It was the highlight of our week. It was so sweet and so sad. It undid me. I retreated to the den and cried. Then I knitted the Oblique and pulled myself back together. Tonight, I'm looking forward to a lovely evening soy candles, a good book, and an early bedtime.
Also a shout out to the funny and amusing Mel, who finally joined the blogging world at http://gotanychocolate.blogspot.com/.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
First Blossom
Today was a sunny day -- ideal for rooting around in the garden. The crocus are blooming and the other plants are emerging from dormancy. 
Inside has its own charms too. The Oblique sweater is on the needles and a new Spinoff magazine arrived in the mail.
Inside has its own charms too. The Oblique sweater is on the needles and a new Spinoff magazine arrived in the mail.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Friends and family
This week I learned so much about friends and family. The support has been terrific. Thank you all for long visits, emails, hugs, and being generally wonderful.
The constant question: how am I? I've cried plenty, felt angry, happy and relieved all at once. Mostly, I'm just fine. On Monday, I was frightened by how good I felt. Husband's depression has been so bad for so long that I didn't realize all of the pressure I felt. I try to communicate and he tries not to communicate. Now that he's gone, things are easier. I also expect to feel lots of different things and experience feelings I don't anticipate. This was quite a shock, and it will take some time to recover. I cry unexpectedly when I tell people the news, and the next person I tell receives a calm, cool account. It gets better everyday, and I am going to be just fine.
On to the knitting. I unravelled the man sock I was knitting in black panda cotton. It was difficult to see the stitches in the dark color, and it required plenty of tinking. Tonight? Casting on Eco Wool for Knitty's Oblique.
The constant question: how am I? I've cried plenty, felt angry, happy and relieved all at once. Mostly, I'm just fine. On Monday, I was frightened by how good I felt. Husband's depression has been so bad for so long that I didn't realize all of the pressure I felt. I try to communicate and he tries not to communicate. Now that he's gone, things are easier. I also expect to feel lots of different things and experience feelings I don't anticipate. This was quite a shock, and it will take some time to recover. I cry unexpectedly when I tell people the news, and the next person I tell receives a calm, cool account. It gets better everyday, and I am going to be just fine.
On to the knitting. I unravelled the man sock I was knitting in black panda cotton. It was difficult to see the stitches in the dark color, and it required plenty of tinking. Tonight? Casting on Eco Wool for Knitty's Oblique.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Is it spring yet?
Life always seems better when it is spring. I've been eagerly awaiting spring as if it will, indeed, make things better. It is a random, general hope for good times ahead.
Winter had an assortment of irritations and dramas. The one I thought I had under control was that my husband and I weren't getting along very well at all. He had become distant, unavailable and very depressed. He was getting counselling and assured me he was working on it although he didn't share many details. Not sharing the details should have been a red flag as should his not wanting me to accompany him to a standing engagement we've had with friends on Thursday nights. We speak of "Thursday night" and it means dinner with group of old friends. The friends had become more and more his anyway. Plus, I had the lovely stitch and bitch at the local yarn store. It wasn't that big a deal. He said he needed space.
After pushing him about his intentions this week and whether he thought our marriage was worth working on, he said he loved me and didn't mean to hurt me. He just had a lot of issues to work through.
It had been a long week at work. Stress is running high there too. We're all working very hard and the work is piling up much faster than the workers can do it. On a good day, it feels like I am needed and can make a difference, but my good day account has been plundered by deficit spending. I came home expecting to find a husband who was ready to go out for dinner with me on our regular date night. Instead, he left a note saying that he was moving into his parents' house. Leaving a note was so awful. It was typed. We've been married almost eleven years. I wish that we could have ended it with a discussion or an argument or something. Not a note.
I called Jill who came over and listened to me cry and babble. She really helped me get myself put back together and know that I had done all I could do. She even helped me laugh. I really do think I will be okay. It's a bit of pity party these days, and I'm very grateful for all of the supportive friends and family I have. They have helped so much.
And spring? I'm really ready for spring.
Winter had an assortment of irritations and dramas. The one I thought I had under control was that my husband and I weren't getting along very well at all. He had become distant, unavailable and very depressed. He was getting counselling and assured me he was working on it although he didn't share many details. Not sharing the details should have been a red flag as should his not wanting me to accompany him to a standing engagement we've had with friends on Thursday nights. We speak of "Thursday night" and it means dinner with group of old friends. The friends had become more and more his anyway. Plus, I had the lovely stitch and bitch at the local yarn store. It wasn't that big a deal. He said he needed space.
After pushing him about his intentions this week and whether he thought our marriage was worth working on, he said he loved me and didn't mean to hurt me. He just had a lot of issues to work through.
It had been a long week at work. Stress is running high there too. We're all working very hard and the work is piling up much faster than the workers can do it. On a good day, it feels like I am needed and can make a difference, but my good day account has been plundered by deficit spending. I came home expecting to find a husband who was ready to go out for dinner with me on our regular date night. Instead, he left a note saying that he was moving into his parents' house. Leaving a note was so awful. It was typed. We've been married almost eleven years. I wish that we could have ended it with a discussion or an argument or something. Not a note.
I called Jill who came over and listened to me cry and babble. She really helped me get myself put back together and know that I had done all I could do. She even helped me laugh. I really do think I will be okay. It's a bit of pity party these days, and I'm very grateful for all of the supportive friends and family I have. They have helped so much.
And spring? I'm really ready for spring.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Dream Vacations
The dyeing experiment went well. Since the fleece isn't completely dry, I'm just imagining how fun it will be to card and spin and knit. I haven't gotten to the point where I know what I'd like to knit, but the internets have offered up a solution to this little problem: SOAR 2008. That looks like fun.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Colors!
Maybe it is the black panda cotton socks (Charade) that I am knitting, but suddenly I needed color. That's when Knitty dying inspiration struck, and I mixed up a big pot of Tropical Punch Kool-Aid and dyed 4 0z of Border Leicester fleece.
Now, I've got a big pot of Kool-Aid and wet wool on the stove, and it's kind of wet and scary and looks like it could make a big mess. Going to work stained Tropical Punch red could be a little embarassing. That's why I am surfing the internet. It might clean itself if I ignore it. Or if we all wish very hard, just like when Tinkerbell was sick. So c'mon everyone, send some good vibes.
Now, I've got a big pot of Kool-Aid and wet wool on the stove, and it's kind of wet and scary and looks like it could make a big mess. Going to work stained Tropical Punch red could be a little embarassing. That's why I am surfing the internet. It might clean itself if I ignore it. Or if we all wish very hard, just like when Tinkerbell was sick. So c'mon everyone, send some good vibes.
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