Is it spring yet?

Life always seems better when it is spring. I've been eagerly awaiting spring as if it will, indeed, make things better. It is a random, general hope for good times ahead.

Winter had an assortment of irritations and dramas. The one I thought I had under control was that my husband and I weren't getting along very well at all. He had become distant, unavailable and very depressed. He was getting counselling and assured me he was working on it although he didn't share many details. Not sharing the details should have been a red flag as should his not wanting me to accompany him to a standing engagement we've had with friends on Thursday nights. We speak of "Thursday night" and it means dinner with group of old friends. The friends had become more and more his anyway. Plus, I had the lovely stitch and bitch at the local yarn store. It wasn't that big a deal. He said he needed space.

After pushing him about his intentions this week and whether he thought our marriage was worth working on, he said he loved me and didn't mean to hurt me. He just had a lot of issues to work through.

It had been a long week at work. Stress is running high there too. We're all working very hard and the work is piling up much faster than the workers can do it. On a good day, it feels like I am needed and can make a difference, but my good day account has been plundered by deficit spending. I came home expecting to find a husband who was ready to go out for dinner with me on our regular date night. Instead, he left a note saying that he was moving into his parents' house. Leaving a note was so awful. It was typed. We've been married almost eleven years. I wish that we could have ended it with a discussion or an argument or something. Not a note.

I called Jill who came over and listened to me cry and babble. She really helped me get myself put back together and know that I had done all I could do. She even helped me laugh. I really do think I will be okay. It's a bit of pity party these days, and I'm very grateful for all of the supportive friends and family I have. They have helped so much.

And spring? I'm really ready for spring.